I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
