I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
