I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
