shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
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