hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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