Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
