Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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