did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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