Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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