when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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