So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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