I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
