Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Blood and glitter go together right?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Randomize
