I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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