your parents love me but you hate me
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
