let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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