my phone cant type all the emotion im having
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
