is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
