hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
