the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
