Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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