I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
