How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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