Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
