do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
