dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You did what with his pubic hair?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
