i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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