At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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