Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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