You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
