my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Can I color on your dick again?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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