my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
