It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
