Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
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I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
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Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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