somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
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