p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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