I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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