how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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