After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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