also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
