Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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