i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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