So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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