i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
