Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
