Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
