How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
