I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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