Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
We are two peas in an std pod
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
