Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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