You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
