I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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