He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
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It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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