U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
