Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
