I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
this boner is exhausting
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
