Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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