Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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