just tell him i said nine months
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
