If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
