i just wanna soil my oats bro
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
