i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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