I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
PANTIES FOUND
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