he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
