why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
