Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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