Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
